i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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