This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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