Only a mothe r could love this liver
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
