Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
