she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
