so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.