i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.