everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom