Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you

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  (586): Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you http://tfl.nu/xexu
  Replies (7) Good night (1791) Bad night (584)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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  (518): He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock. http://tfl.nu/iuj0
  Replies (4) Good night (725) Bad night (2436)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?

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  (623): His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me? http://tfl.nu/w4b8
  Replies (15) Good night (6876) Bad night (1045)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

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  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (13488) Bad night (1250)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.

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  (269): I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon. http://tfl.nu/pf1i
  Replies (6) Good night (2870) Bad night (843)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.

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  (314): You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important. http://tfl.nu/ehih
  Replies (18) Good night (2470) Bad night (2701)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.

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  (602): I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex. http://tfl.nu/gy7w
  Replies (13) Good night (3549) Bad night (1152)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  We just shotgunned beers for America

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  (614): We just shotgunned beers for America http://tfl.nu/dv8f
  Replies (31) Good night (4112) Bad night (950)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.

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  (302): My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever. http://tfl.nu/lkx6
  Replies (19) Good night (1577) Bad night (3233)
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  (951): View more from California

  I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

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  (951): I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day. http://tfl.nu/elsi
  Replies (3) Good night (1833) Bad night (705)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.

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  (309): I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to. http://tfl.nu/ueue
  Replies (10) Good night (705) Bad night (523)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions

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  (513): He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions http://tfl.nu/8lj3
  Replies (1) Good night (534) Bad night (233)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!

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  (925): I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation! http://tfl.nu/pdgh
  Replies (2) Good night (326) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?

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  (602): Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning? http://tfl.nu/jjtq
  Replies (2) Good night (413) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.

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  (605): I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong. http://tfl.nu/x9eb
  Replies (2) Good night (257) Bad night (230)

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