i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.