its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
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If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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