That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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