I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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