My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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