So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
