do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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