i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
