i think my tv is drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
