he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
