Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
