Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Of course I have a pirate flag
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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