Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I looked at my own cervix.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
