I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
