you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
