I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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