I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
