I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just cropdusted the office
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
