remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
