Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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