I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
