He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
