just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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