If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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