I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
