I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
