love makes seman taste better
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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