worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
