he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
