so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
