i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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