I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
