he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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