oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
