Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
