Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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