Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Randomize
