Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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