I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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