You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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