Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just pee around me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
