I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
