DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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