i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
