You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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