so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
