someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize