dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
