Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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