You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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