Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
