Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.