i just wanna soil my oats bro
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.