I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
love makes seman taste better
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.