I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
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After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.