what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.