So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!